my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize