Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
