I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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