Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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