I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
