I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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