i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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