I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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