she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize