Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
this is an emotional support booty call
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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