my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
