4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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