Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
