I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
