dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I AM VODKA MAN
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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