i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
