How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We're too hungover to prance.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
