At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Panties = found
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
