You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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