somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
