I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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