my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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