I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
