I puked a lego.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
