dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
