His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
