She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
