Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Oh god it's open bar.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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