it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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