How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My feet surprised me
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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