Well apparently he's into motor boating.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize