You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
