I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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