batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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