Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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