Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
