So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
