We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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