I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
