So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
