If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
