Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
