Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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