Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
