did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
