I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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