Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
