Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
