Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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