Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
