I got chris browned last night
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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