3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
