fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
