im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
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