I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
well most of my day revolves around power hour
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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