i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize