Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
