I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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