god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
