Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
