Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
