I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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