How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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