Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
