I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
