We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
