You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
