no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
