tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
