so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
