their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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