My Higher Power is John Stamos
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
