i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
