can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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