Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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