This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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