You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
