you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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