I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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