i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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