I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize