all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
she smelled like a LAN party
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
