Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
