Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize