Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
