WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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