Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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