On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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